I have so many summer vacation images to share with the world, but they probably won’t make the light of day; unless that is, you find yourself at my in-law’s cabin where an image of all 6 grandchildren are piled around Grandma and Grandpa Simpson mugging it for the camera with all their might- it’s epic and perfect, btw). I debated sharing with you the joys of vacation food and drink (hello, California produce…) and then I tossed around the idea of sharing a water fight montage, because those have been prolific this summer with the heat. But there was something else stirring inside me. What has been itching inside me lately has been the urge once again shoot self-portraiture. Maybe it’s the restlessness of summer, maybe it’s because I have gone back to work full-time and finding that balance between work, family, art, and “me” time has been really tricky. Maybe it’s just that the secret language that I once felt very fluent in speaking, is bubbling up inside and wanting to say something important once again. When I was deep in the trenches of my first, year-long self-portrait journey and then circling another year of a photo a day for my Shake it Out project, I felt I could tell so many stories in a single frame. I also happened to be deep in a personal upheaval-I had lost my job of almost a decade, lost our house in the aftermath, and was feeling extremely lost in life because of all of this. I was trying to grip my way out of a hole of feeling forgotten and left behind, photography, specifically self-portraiture was my life-line. My photos were/are the poetry that I don’t always know how to speak or write, but can still manage to share with an image. I don’t know if you have to be in a place of transition to make ‘good art’, I would like to prove that theory wrong, actually, but I know it helped me so much when I was in between chapters of my life’s story.
So there is the question, can I create when I am in a “good” a stable place in my life? I think, I know I can. But here’s the thing, I am out of practice. Just like I am out of breath as I huff and puff (and later wobble around with sore legs and arms) after my first hard workout in months- my self-portrait game is out of shape. It can still walk the walk, but it’s slow, not brisk like I would like it to be. What was once a 9 minute mile is more like 15 (but that’s another story for a different blog) My point is, what does one do when they are ready to shift back into athletic shape? They hit the gym, create a habit of working out and find routine.
Despite feeling overwhelmed with my current schedule, I am feeling ready to unlock that inner photographic language again; the strength that I know my creative muscles have. The stories that are waiting to be told are ready to see the light of day. The only way to become fluent, to get faster and stronger, is to practice. To show up, even on those days when we don’t want to (especially those days) and shoot. To turn the camera on ourselves, and fire the shutter. Do it again and again and again until the story inside is told. And just as I tell my yoga students, we call it a “practice”- because, in the end, that’s all it truly is.
I’m going to keep chasing that light, and you should too- Vanessa

PS after this post on my Instagram feed, I was contacted by a fellow NowYou alumn, Tamara. We are starting a weekly practice and self-portrait challenge. Want to join us? Use the hashtag #theselfportraitpractice, and while you are tagging your work, don’t forget the #viewfindersio so we can follow along with your journey!