Toward the end of last year I had an energy reading done. 2017 was a trying year. A test like no other in my thirty seven years on this earth. Achingly exhausting on an emotional and personal level, which, after a certain amount of time, transfers itself to a physical exhaustion when your emotions just cannot hold the weight any longer. A wash of relief swept over me to welcome the new year. Bright and clear. Blank. Stark white. That’s the way I always see it in my head. Just waiting to paint on. Scribble. Draw. Create. Something. Anything. For myself. For my children. For my family. But I must keep coming back to the first one – for myself.
I had hoped my reading would provide some clarity, perhaps some answers. And it did. Just not to the questions I was asking. The Universe teaching me patience.. always with the patience. She is mighty. Working away in the background – tirelessly – even when I lose my way and blame her for things that are not her fault at all. Throughout my reading, collaborations kept coming up. Come together – join forces – collaborate – stay open to invitation. I was told these collaborations would help me grow in the right direction this year. This was so far from what I wanted to hear. I like working alone. I like the quiet. I like not talking when I don’t have to. I like my own company. But I was reminded that these collaborations may not be in a traditional sense – working side by side, or sharing a business, responsibility or answering to a partner.
December arrived and with it, a calendar full enough to forget about my reading. Two weeks later an email arrived, a gentle chime lighting up my nightstand as I had just slid between the covers. Those late night chimes are usually ringing from the other side of the world – as we head for slumber and the other half are stirring, beginning their day. An invitation. To collaborate. To join a group of women I have admired for longer than I know. Tiny snippets of stories and knowledge. Dark and light. Open conversations. Honest and raw. Coming together to share their love for one common interest.
I cried. I was tired. The darkness had been seeping in for so many months, it felt like the Universe had finally stuck her foot in the door, just as it was about to close. Just enough. Just enough to let a sliver of light through.
I am so humbled to be here. To be invited to share this space with women I don’t really know by face, but by photographs. Their style, their tones, their grain. To be invited into the fold, to learn and grow and fill myself back up, with the things I love so effortlessly and truly, but have allowed to fall away or make excuses for, trading the weight of a dark patch of this gift we call Life.
I’m staying in the light.