unprepared

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I am doing the best I can right now. Reminding myself to stay in the moment, trying not to jump into “what if” scenarios or let my imagination run amok. I limit my exposure to the news and then do my best to stick with the facts. But this is all a bit unreal and I have to admit, I was and still am, unprepared. 

Some days I can enjoy a good chuckle and can get lost in the likes of Shitt’s Creek for a couple of hours and other days I can’t even imagine going there, as it feels insensitive when so many people in our world today are vastly suffering. I have started and stopped so many books; refusing to read something I can’t get lost in.

We do “drive-bys” with our kids, masking up and standing or sitting several feet apart for short in-person visits. I need this right now and can’t imagine how this would be playing out if we were still in our old home, so far away. I find now more than every, each connection I have with my family and my friends is relevant. There is an urgency in these connections today, that was not there a few weeks ago. I take every opportunity to slip in beautiful words, love songs if you will, and let them all know how important they are to me. Every day my son or his wife, who are new parents, send me a photo of our precious grandson Percy, who I have not held in a month now. The love is so vast my body aches and tears flow at times. But all of this goodness is what keeps me going.

I have been cooking a lot. With no pressing issues to get through, and what seems like all the time in the world, I find myself in the kitchen for a few hours most day. Enjoying the slow process of preparing our meals and baking. My sourdough starter bubbles and grows on our kitchen counter hungry and active, and the stockpile of beans and grains in our pantry is getting used up. 

I am taking lots of photos, filling up both my camera card and phone with everyday moments: our pup, the food we are eating, my kids and spring. Sitting with the images humbles me a bit, helping me to see what is important and what is superficial.

I am doing the best I can.

I know you are too,
xoxo, Cathy 

4 Comments

  1. The best that you can is absolutely beautiful. Wishing I could come to your house for dinner, too – that bread! Much the same here, totally unprepared and yet moving forward. “Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” -Rilke

  2. Yes, much of the same here. Doing the best we can. Could anyone have been prepared for something like this? Your photos are beautiful..that bread looks amazing.

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