Way Down

I’ve been in a slump. A creative lull. And yes, I know that last part wasn’t a real sentence…but when you’re in a slump you can throw grammar out the window.

I think I spent all of last year in a strange messed up state. I was down a lot but not the kind of down that spawns creativity. No, I spent most of last year being down in a deep sort of way. I had to drag myself out of bed a lot. I cried a lot. I created nothing a lot.

I was really way down.

And I wish I had advice for anybody else that might be way down too, but I don’t. All I learned is that you have to suffer through it. You can try to pick yourself up every week and be who you used to be, but it probably won’t work. You just have to suffer through it until it’s over.

But the good news is…it will be over eventually.

Now I’m not way down anymore. This new year started with a big move and a lot of homesickness for me. I moved hours and hours away from home for the first time in my life. I’m in a totally new area. Everywhere I go I see mountains instead of beach or flatland or trees. Now I have hills and streams and glorious morning fog.

Since I’ve been here I went to a mountain top winery, I had coffee in a historic shoe-maker’s shop, and I casually forgot to bring my camera to both. I now have a little apartment and I’m making it home. I have a weirdly big bathroom and a weirdly small bath tub. I have a living room with hardly any natural light and a balcony that’s too cold to use right now. And I love it all.

Now, I’m finding beauty in every day again. That’s how I know I’m not way down anymore. I can feel the emotion in music again, I can taste the calm in my tea. I can appreciate the little moments, the seconds that poke your soul awake. I can feel art around me, waiting to be created…and that’s how I know I’m going to be okay.

I’ve starting picking up my camera again, and that’s how I know I’m okay.

And that’s how I know the way down doesn’t last forever.